Need
by thousand-miles
Summary: Missing scene from Depraved Heart (Cal/Gillian)


**Title: **Need

**Author: **thousand_miles

**Rating: **K

**Spoilers: **Depraved Heart(S1)

**Disclaimer: **don't own anything of Lie to Me

**Summary: **missing scene from Depraved Heart (Cal/Gillian)

**A/N: **I always thought Depraved Heart missed a scene between Cal's lashing out against Gillian and the scene where things seem to be good again and Gilian comforts him (such a sweet moment). Cal's a jerk when he argues with her in front of the others. Gillian doesn't stoop to his level, but I do think she's angry with him and Cal knows he has to apologize. So I felt the need to write this missing scene. English still isn't my native language, but I try to avoid any big mistakes. Reviews are truly appreciated.

**Need**

He'd been a bastard, he knew. When things got personal, he lashed out and often to the people closest to him. And that was exactly what had happened and not for the first time, Gillian had been at the receiving end of it. When he needed her the most, she wasn't there. She'd been working on a case and he didn't know how to deal with her absence. Whenever he tended to get lost, she was his centre and brought him back. But she'd been busy and he got lost. He hated that feeling and so he'd lashed out with everyone there to hear. He'd embarrassed her and hurt her. It showed on her face and she didn't even try to hide it from him. He doubted the rest of the staff had seen it.

He sighed and laid his head on the back of his couch and propped his feet up on his coffee table. After their argument he felt emotionally drained, but his mind kept going. He thought of Gillian, his mind staying on her more often these last couple of weeks.

He'd realized a long time ago that he was in love with his best friend. No surprise there. He was good at hiding it, after all if he could spot lies, he sure as hell was able to keep others from seeing the truth. Didn't make it any easier though. Especially now when he knew Alec was cheating on her. It had taken every ounce of his willpower not to confront the bastard. To hit him in the face and tell him what a low life he was. Gillian deserved the best and her cheating husband had apparently forgotten he had the most beautiful and wonderful woman as his wife. Bastard didn't deserve her.

Gillian tried to hide her marital problems from him, but he knew she was unhappy. She knew something was going on but he didn't know to what extent. He didn't dare to say anything. He watched out for her and he would protect her, but he knew Gillian wanted to handle things on her own. He would let her, for now. But if Alec was going to keep hurting her, he was going to get involved. Gillian was first and foremost his best friend and he would keep her safe.

He had to apologize to her for being a jerk. She was out of the office at the moment, working on the Hollins case. He would wait for her to come back.

It was a couple of hours later when he heard Gillian was back at the office. He stood up from his office and strolled to kitchen first. Maybe coffee could be a peace offer. He was tense. He hated it when they were at odds. With a cup of coffee in his hands, he strolled into her office. Putting the coffee down on her desk, he sat down. He waited for her to acknowledge him, but she kept her eyes on her screen, continuing her work.

"Hi Foster."

"Cal." She kept her focus on her work.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Cal was unsure how to begin and Gillian really didn't want to help him out. She was still hurt by his behaviour and didn't really feel like talking. By the way Cal had walked into her office, being his nonchalant self, he probably thought a quick apology would suffice. Not this time though. Remembering the way he'd talked to her, made her angry again. She didn't deserve that attitude at all. Sometimes she felt she was just a bystander in the Cal Lightman show. They were partners but there were times where he seemed to forget that and hurt her in the progress. But he'd never hurt her like her like this before, treating her like she meant nothing. Like she was just another pawn in his game. She guessed that was probably how Cal sometimes saw the world. But he should know better. They were equals in their partnership as well in their friendship. She knew why he'd lashed out, She knew him all too well. But he should also know her, and know that she was there for him. He should have also known that she couldn't put cases aside because he needed her. He seemed unable to show her in a normal way that he needed her. She sighed, she was getting a headache and Cal was still sitting there, watching her, not saying a word.

"Are you going to talk or just sit there and watch me work?"

The irritation in her voice wasn't difficult to detect. She still refused to look at him. He knew why but he needed to see her eyes, to know how much he'd hurt her. "Gillian," he said, hoping she would look at him, "please look at me."

"Why?" She asked. "So you can read me, so you won't have to use words? I've said it before and I'll say it again, Cal. Use your words. You can when you want to. You were rather successful earlier today when you yelled at me." She couldn't help the snide remark. The man could be so frustrating.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't get the chance.

"You expect me to be there for you at your beck and call, but it doesn't work like that. And when I can't be there, you decide to embarrass me in front of everyone. I deserve more and you know it. I'm your partner, Cal not your sidekick." The last words were soft. The hurt in her voice undeniable.

He wanted to kick himself for hurting her. He shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry. I never should have yelled at you. I knew you were trying to help. I just… I got lost."

A heartfelt apology from Cal Lightman was rare. His words were soft spoken, his eyes guarded, unsure of her reaction. She waited for him to continue, but didn't know if she wanted to hear more. She knew she needed to reassure him. She stood up, walked passed him to her office door and closed it. Walking back to him, she stopped next to him and held out her hand.

When she'd walked passed him, he'd held his breath. Was she walking away from him? Had he really pushed too far this time? When the door closed he hung his head and swore. Why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut? Now one of the most important people in his life was walking away from him. With his mind a whirlwind of panic thoughts, he hadn't heard Gillian walking back to him. When her hand came into view he grabbed it as if it were his lifeline and in a way she was. Standing up he pulled her closer, into his arms, crushing her against his body, hugging her.

"I'm so sorry, luv."

The fierce hug surprised her. Understanding dawned on her that he'd probably thought she was walking away from him. It had been a long time that he'd needed her this much. This case was really messing with him, more than she'd expected it too. Knowing he needed this, she let him hold her, and held him close.

When she started to pull away, he reluctantly let her go, but held onto her hand, not wanting to really lose the connection.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cal." She walked them to her couch and sat down, pulling him along with her. She waited for him to start talking.

"I was a jerk. I know. It's this case. Those suicides." Cal finally started. "I thought I could handle it. But after the third suicide I knew I couldn't. I panicked and I realized I needed you." He looked at her. "You always ground me, Gill." He was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "Everything was jumbled. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I got lost. I called you twice and couldn't reach you."

"I was on the Hollins case. You know I'd answer if I could."

He nodded. "I know, luv. I didn't know what to do. I kept going back to the footage. When I finally saw you." He ran his hand through his hair. "You know I'm no good when things get too personal. I lash out to those who mean the most." His light brown eyes showed his remorse, but they also showed pain. Something he hardly let anyone see.

"I know, Cal but you can't keep doing that. You hurt me." Looking down Gillian saw they were still hold hands. She entwined her fingers with his. She knew he needed her on this case so he could give these girl's families the justice they deserved. "I'll help you wherever I can, Cal., but I can't let Loker do the Hollins case on his own. When you need me, come find me, okay and trust me to be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you luv." He squeezed her hand, took a deep breath and put his head on the back of her couch. Her presence, the physical contact, it was all he needed to finally ease the thoughts that were racing. His Gillian, she brought him peace of mind.

**The End**


End file.
